狐狸尾巴

要讓狐狸尾巴消失的方式是直接剪掉，不能再透過隱藏。我應該開放更多時間空間來容納人。因為自私，總想保有更多屬於自己及significant others的時間，我自己在面前設牆。
maybe it's time to open and try a different way. 頂多就是退回目前安全的原點。I should try.

無法逃避

但其實這就是一些無法逃避的事：雖然不想、不喜歡，還是得做好，沒什麼好抱怨的。
I must get used to it.

two talks today

I had two significant talks with two different friends today. One was comfortable, another one was serious but worthwhile.

For the former one, I am always happy to receive phonecalls from you:] It's nice to talk again. You are always the most suitable one when I want to share feelings about sadness, self-talkings and emotions. I know you will never laugh at me or tease on me. Furthermore, I always feel being deep-understood and non-lonely after talking with you.

For the later one, I have to thank you for always being patient to me. I also learn a lot about human nature, rules and values. You always mention some viewpoints which I have never thought about. It's true that we two are really different, but I really get a lot from you. We seldom have things in common, almost never had same attitude or method on one thing. But it's cool to get a very different idea from mine. There is never an absolute value for anything, and I can always learn more about you and people by hearing your thought.

A wonderful night filled with music and talkings. Though now I don't have enough time to read my new books, I am still very satisfied.

Start from tomorrow :]
What I need is a cry, more studies and hard-workings.

選擇

分類帽：你有某種必要的特質，該有的一樣不缺，非常適合。
哈利：不要不要，不要史萊哲林！
分類帽：不要啊，雖然可惜，不過也沒有辦法了！那就葛來分多！

校長：無論別人覺得你適合什麼，自己的選擇終究是最重要的。
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所以不要擔心：）或許那方面的能力還很缺乏：說到別人心坎兒裡、聽見弦外之音...。但這應該都可以加強和練習，只要我想。重要的是我已經決定了這個方向和這條道路，不要沒事就心慌慌，沒有空給妳為這些煩躁了。眼前不太明朗沒錯，但看得清的那邊已經確定不太會是我喜歡的風景，就轉個方向，朝似乎有光的地方前進！沒有問題的。

仔細想想

似乎都沒有什麼適當的建議或想法。很難有"啊,就是這樣"拍案叫絕的頓悟。或許因為如此，很難和別人有很深刻的談話吧。總覺得從身邊的朋友得到很多，自己卻一點也給不出去，很糟糕。需要對人、社會更多的了解，以及閱讀。

幸福

因為知道自己目前一切狀況的幸運和幸福，因此對於偷懶有更深的愧疚，以及恐懼不久後即將可能面臨的失敗。「謀事在人，成事在天」，但首先我知道自己不夠認真，偏偏又無法更加的認真。it's hard. 我很擔心。雖然我知道沒有什麼是簡單的。

更糟糕的是，the ability of wording is dying. 這是令人最傷心的一件事。

走路

這是一種很熟悉又極度需要的休息。雖然在目前的處境下處處矛盾：又是一次火燒屁股的著急。但在台北市裡獨自走路的三小時很舒服很棒，是屬於自己的生活方式。隨意亂吃東西，到處翻翻，像以前自己走路一樣，像以前和朋友一起走路一樣。

回家的捷運上，是深深的疲憊和一點點的滿足，以及finally想哭的衝動，good。
if I have more time, 大概就能走得更遠吧。